Let’s face it, as parents we have all wondered at some point if we should take our kiddos to a therapist or not. Questions come up like… What are problems that a therapist could help with and when do I know my child needs outside help? How does it benefit a child to talk to someone outside the family? What does therapy look like for a child? All common questions parents may ask themselves before making an appointment.
To begin with, the why and when of scheduling with a therapist can raise thoughts of doubt in any parent around their own ability to help their child deal with adversity and learn to handle big emotions. As a parent we don’t want our children to be in distress or uncomfortable, so we often accommodate our children’s anxiety/fears by attempting to remove stressors and worries with distractions. Take away the “bad” and only the “good” remains, right? Well, not always. If we don’t allow our children the space to process hard or scary thoughts, those feelings can grow and become more extreme. Sadness can lead to depression and frustration can lead to anger or “acting out” behaviors. If you have noticed your child struggling with expressing their emotions and you are feeling like more of a trigger than a help, that is the time to reach out to a professional for help in supporting your child.
All children need emotional support when they are struggling with big life changes, social anxiety, depression, anger / frustration with school or peers, learning disabilities, grief, or self-image. As an adult, we have experiences to look back on and use as guidance in seeing future outcomes. Children don’t have this built-in bonus of life experiences. They don’t have memories of how a problem was resolved or how current problems can have positive resolutions. Research shows a child’s brain continues to develop well into their early 20’s. This process of defining neural pathways helps children and young adults better grasp risk and reward decisions and increases resilience when life is challenging. It’s hard to understand a better future when your brain is still growing and cataloging knowledge. Working with a therapist gives children an unbiased space to learn how to navigate their own emotions and how to ask for help when they are feeling overwhelmed.
Some of the stressor’s children face can be family problems (divorce, death, addiction, trauma), school problems (bullying, social anxiety, learning disabilities), or self-image issues (body dysmorphia, self-esteem, suicide ideation or self-harm). These stressors can create feelings of sadness, extreme worry, low self-esteem, grief, depression, anger, frustration, and loneliness. When feelings become overwhelming, a child can react in many ways. Some display behavior changes like acting-out or aggression, self-harm or eating disorders, while others can become aloof or withdrawn from friends and family, and some create rituals around everyday life to control their “yucky” feelings from high anxiety.
Parents may fear contacting a therapist means they are a “bad” parent if they can’t handle these issues at home. Isn’t helping your children feel better part of the role of a parent? Shouldn’t parents be able to handle children’s emotions and meet their every need? The answer is most times, but not all the time. Eliciting outside help from a professional gives your child a “safe space” to talk about all things scary or concerning without worries of disappointing their parents or getting in trouble for not being “happy” all the time. A therapist is trained to listen without judgement or consequences, to allow a person to say whatever they are feeling even if it sounds mean or scary. Another benefit to enlisting the help of a therapist is the feeling of control that is achieved by the child. Therapy allows the child to control some of the direction of the session and children love being in charge! In this safe space, they are able share what they want, how they want, and when they want. Sometimes therapy can be a simple way to give a child a sense of control over a part of their life when all other aspects feel out of control.
But what does therapy look like for a child?
Do they come in and talk for an hour?
They aren’t talking at home, so why will they talk to a therapist?
There are many different types of therapy available to help children process their emotions and stress. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT teaches new coping skills a child can use to learn to self-regulate emotions. The therapist will start with trust building activities and giving some psychoeducation around automatic thoughts, how the brain processes anxiety and more specific language to communicate feelings. The therapist will then teach skills to help calm the bodies response to anxiety or stress while helping the child face their illogical fears. This can be done with Exposure Response Prevention (ERP), Mindfulness, or Acceptance and Commitment Theory (ACT) activities to name a few. CBT typically works for children of all ages but may need to be combined with other more child centered activities or interactive techniques.
Many therapists incorporate play therapy in their practice alongside CBT. With play therapy, a child “plays out” issues as a way to problem solve in their real life. This can be done with games to model behavior and appropriate social interaction, storytelling or bibliotherapy where the child can use characters other than themselves to share what’s bothering them, drawing and art to express feelings when it may be too hard to say something out loud, or creating a comic strip to journal their week. All these activities allow the therapist to model behaviors in action giving the child opportunities to “try on” the behaviors during session. For instance, if the therapist plays a game with the child and the child begins to cheat or grows upset if they are losing, the therapist can model for the child better reactions to the situation.
All therapeutic interventions have one main piece in common and that is communication. Therapists learn how to communicate with clients through many ways, not just with words. And a therapist’s goal is to teach the client how to better communicate with people in their life outside the therapy office. When children learn to express their feelings and emotions, handle stress in a healthy way and use mindfulness to create self-care, they are better at owning their mental health as adults.
Therapy was once viewed as something for “crazy” people only, but the truth is everyone can benefit from counseling and seeing a therapist. Having a safe space to share emotions, learn mindfulness, and “talk it out” helps children learn skills to avoid harmful and unhealthy ways of coping as adults. If your child is struggling or you feel they could benefit from seeing a therapist, google “child therapist near me” and start the process of helping your kiddos face their emotions.
